Where Are You From? The Simplest of Questions That's Actually Impossible to Answer When You're a TCK, Expat, or Digital Nomad
Where Are You From? That Question Might Be Triggering If You're an Expat.
The things that come up when you’ve been in international schools your whole life, or perhaps you’re discovering as an expat adult for the first time, are not things that someone who has lived in one place for most of their life could possibly relate to.
When someone says “Are you going home for the holidays?” it doesn’t carry the same meaning for you as it does for them. You don’t actually even know what that question means. Home is a confusing concept when you’ve moved around so much, when everyone in your family is from somewhere different, and there’s no single place where everyone gathers. Not where you were raised, not where your parents were raised, not where their parents were raised.
The concept of the TCK, or Third Culture Kid, is something many people who haven't lived this kind of life have never heard of. Essentially, your parents are from one place or culture (possibly two different ones), they have you somewhere neither of them is from, and you're raised there. That brings a third culture into the mix. It's worth noting that for the term to really apply, these need to be genuinely different cultures, think China, India and Brazil, not three different towns in the same country. Then you move, and there's a fourth culture. Then another. So while TCK stands for Third Culture Kid, I'd argue that many TCKs are actually fourth, fifth, or sixth culture kids. I had friends growing up whose mother was from one country, dad from another, they were born in a third, and had moved at least twice after that. The layers run deep.
All of this is what makes “Where are you from?” such a genuinely difficult question to answer in social settings if you’re a TCK.
As an adult expat, you might be experiencing this for the first time, coming from a more traditional background where family all live in the same place, and you’re the first person to leave. That loneliness can hit hard. You might be missing home in a very real, tangible way.
Or you might be missing home in the abstract, the way so many TCKs and international school kids do. There’s still a yearning. You just don’t quite know what it is you’re yearning for. Home is more of a feeling than a place when you’re a TCK.
I work with digital nomads, expats, and TCKs of all varieties. And I am one, all of the above actually. I fully understand what it’s like to have someone ask where you’re from and feel a twinge of irritation. To stumble over the answer and do a brain scan of your last few “homes” and try to decide how much time you have to answer their question. To have someone make an assumption about you based on your accent. They think they can confidently guess where you’re from – and of course they get it completely wrong – assuming you are from one specific place.
If any of this resonates, I work with people who are navigating exactly these challenges: trying to reconcile their sense of place, purpose, and belonging. Figuring out where they fit, where they want to be, where they’re going, whether this is a lifestyle they want to continue, or whether they’re ready for something different. Many people from backgrounds like ours have a deep desire to create stability and security for themselves, but don’t know how, because it’s simply not something they ever experienced before.
I specialise in helping people get in touch with themselves, their feelings, and what they’re truly searching for, because there can be so many layers of confusion wrapped up in all of this.
If you’re feeling a little lost and not sure where you’re going, I’d love to connect. I offer a free 30-minute intro call to see if working together feels like the right fit.